Hitting the wall

Week 5 underway. I have no story. I have a plot, a setting, a bunch of characters, a mood and an opening paragraph. And I’ve hit the wall. I. Can’t. Write. It. I just want to curl up in a corner and cry until I can do nothing else but sleep. Everyone else’s stories are getting better and better, even though they all look just as tired as I feel. I’m supposed to be doing joy this week. Happy endings. But I suspect that if I’m going to squeeze any blood out of this soupstone it’s going to be black.

Disintegration?

Been a while since I posted, huh. This has been my week of falling apart – the usual week four blues I guess, though much more about passing the halfway point than about the stress and exhaustion. As davejwilliams said, it’s hard to believe we won’t be here forever, but it’s a reality we’re having to face now. It hurts. The really shitty thing for me was the spontaneous go-banginess of my laptop an hour before my story was due on Wednesday night, which burst my bubble in the worst way. I am composing this on Neile Graham’s Apple, and I’m kinda getting used to it, but it’s not my baby. /sniff

Still, we haven’t yelled and thrown things at one another, nobody has skipped turning in a story, and there’s a lot of joy around. I’m all about the love right now. Life is good, in bittersweet ways. Graham Joyce seems like a long time ago already, though letting him go was pretty hard at the time. He did so much for us in terms of bringing us together as a group and reminding us to have fun. And now we’ve had to say goodbye to Kelley Eskridge too. Kelley’s been wonderful, really caring and committed to the group, and very knowledgeable on every aspect of this writing malarkey. She has tremendous heart. Her partner Nicola Griffith was our Mystery Muse on Friday, and she’s pretty damn amazing too.

Friday night’s regular Friday night party was especially good last week, because there was a POOL, and some of us spent the entire evening in the pool, drinking singing and yelling at people to jump jump JUMP (and failing that fetch beer. And cheese). It was fun fun fun fun fun.Yesterday was the party at the Bears’ house, which overlooks a beautiful lake, with lilies and dragonflies and kayaking. I’m not going to bang on about the parties (read this this this and this) but they were both just what was needed. Now I have week 5’s story to write and Patrick Neilsen Hayden to look forward to \o/.

Yay fireworks!

So, last night a bunch of us walked down to Gasworks Park to see the Seattle 4th July firework display. It was, to borrow a popular phrase, AWESOME! Seriously, it was good.

It was a peculiar feeling, as a Brit, watching the Americans celebrate casting off the yoke of my imperialist oppression, etc. But despite the flag waving and the rather scary helicopter fly-by, they mostly seemed to be there to go ‘ooh’, ‘ah’ at the fireworks and not to think too hard about their ancient enemies – they kept playing British rock music, for one thing.

It was a 2 mile walk down to the park from the sorority, and we found the place by following the crowds converging on the spot. There were a lot of people there; it seemed much more centralised than 5th November fireworks are back home. We missed the beer, which they’d turned off at 9pm (bizarre!), but settled ourselves with minimum grumpiness, watched the crowds, eavesdropped on people’s conversations, and waited.

Everyone stood up to sing the national anthem, which has unmemorable words and no tune, so nobody actually sang it. Then the helicopter heaved into view, with a giant stars’n’stripes hung below it. They had a huge spotlight on the ‘copter that cast a shadow across the buildings on the other side of the water. It was scary because it was so cool. People were cheering and I almost wanted to join in (America! Fuck yeah!) um… yeah. Displays of military might = sexy in a very bad way.

Then fireworks, and by ‘eck they must have blown a lot of cash on those. It was tremendous. There were several kinds of firework I’d never seen before. None of us thought to take a camera, but

has posted a couple, of pics and links to more.

In other news, we are approaching the end of Week Graham already. It’s crazy how fast the time is passing. I’m not managing to do enough of anything; writing, critting, sleeping, drinking, socialising, seeing Seattle – it’s all in conflict and having to choose what to do is a pain in the arse (hence not updating this much and I will have to stop writing imminently, but I’ve had a complaint about not keeping it up…and I’m a sucker for attention.)